And the reason is you
by castielhummel
Summary: While packing up his apartment Sebastian remembers the night that changed it all. Minor Kadam


Sebastian ran the scarf through his hands. Long forgotten in the back of his closet, he wondered if Kurt ever thought about that scarf. Where it had went, if he had left it. Probably.

Sebastian should have been done packing 3 hours ago but things like this were making the task nearly impossible. First it was an old shirt .Then a copy of the Les Miserable movie soundtrack. The few scattered issues of Vogue. And now the scarf. Every time Sebastian came across an item from the past he couldn't help but stop to reminisce, even though it killed him to do so.

Out of all the things Sebastian had found this was by far the worst because Kurt had been wearing it that night. The night he ruined the best thing to ever happen to him.

Sebastian was done with school for the semester and to celebrate he and a few friends decided to go out for drinks. He called Kurt on his way to the club, getting his voicemail, "Hey babe, I know you're still busy practicing but if you're not too tired later you should come join us at O'Malley's. We decided after that hellish exam we could all use a drink. Hope to see you there, if not I'll see you at home. Love you!" Sebastian hung up the phone and turned to his friends, this would be a good night, or so he thought.

They were there for hours drinking and partying, not a care in the world. With no school and no work they were having the time of their lives. Sebastian was perhaps having a bit too much fun. He was on the dance floor, dancing with anyone who came up to him, keeping it (mostly) innocent and fun.

Then one guy decided to take things to the next level, draping his arms around Sebastian's neck pulling him in closer. They danced like that for a few songs and then the guy kissed him. Sebastian drew back and looked at him in shock but after a beat he leaned back in to return the kiss. The next thing he knew they were being pulled apart. His eyes widened in shock at the familiar figure in front of him, currently hitting the other guy in the face. His stomach churned as Kurt turned around to look him in the eye. His face flushed with anger and eyes brimming with tears, full of hurt and anger. "How could you" he spit out slapping him hard across the face. Kurt didn't give Sebastian time to answer instead he turned and ran out on the club, ignoring Sebastian's pleas to wait.

Sebastian ran after him to no avail. Kurt was faster (and sober) not that it mattered he was hurt and wouldn't listen to whatever Sebastian had to say. Sebastian made his way home dreading the inevitable confrontation. He messed up, big time he knew that, he just hoped Kurt could forgive him, hear him out. Sebastian loved Kurt more than anything; one drunken mistake didn't change that.

Sebastian stood outside their door for a minute gathering his thoughts, he fumbled with the key slightly as he opened the door. He excepted to find Kurt waiting for him in the living room or maybe their room, ready to yell and demand answers. What he found was so much worse.

Kurt was in a frenzy. He had multiple suitcases open and was throwing things in left and right. He was usually so careful with his clothes but tonight he didn't care.

"Kurt, what are you doing?!" Sebastian asked startled "Don't do this."

Kurt glared at him "That's rich coming from you" he said giving him a hollow laugh. He walked past him to get something off the table recoiling when Sebastian reached out to him "Don't touch me!" he yelled "Don't ever touch me again!"

"Kurt" Sebastian pleaded "I'm so sorry, please it was a mistake, he kissed me and I was drunk. I know that's not an excuse but I didn't know what was happening."

Kurt gave him an icy glare "He kissed you?"

"Yes! He kissed me I swear" he said, hope forming in his chest.

"And that was it? You didn't kiss him back?" Kurt asked calmly, if Sebastian had been a bit more sober he would have realized that Kurt was acting too calm.

"Of course not, I would never."

"Liar!" Kurt threw down the clothes in his hands, marching up to Sebastian angrily "I saw you kiss him back. I came into the club and looked around the bar for you but your friends said you were on the dance floor. So there I went like a fool excited to find you to take over for whatever guy you were dancing with, show him who you would be going home with. And there you were with some guys arms around your neck, a little too close, but it was fine whatever." Kurt's voice was getting rougher as he fought to keep the tears away "and then he kissed you and I saw you pull away. And I thought to myself I better get over there before you hit him. But you didn't hit him. No. Instead you looked at him and kissed him back. I saw you look at the guy, you knew it wasn't me, and you kissed him Sebastian!" Kurt finally broke down sobbing. "I saw you" he repeated wiping the tears away "I saw you."

Sebastian was speechless. What could he say after that expect "I'm sorry, Kurt. I love you, I love you so much."

Kurt laughed, packing away the rest of his stuff "I don't care."

* * *

Sebastian put the scarf on the table and sighed. That was it. Kurt packed most of his clothes that night and went to stay with Rachel. A couple days later Rachel and Jesse came over to collect the rest of his things. Sebastian tried to talk to him, plead his case to Kurt but he ignored every call, text and email. He wouldn't see him at work and walked right past any attempt Sebastian tried to make at seeing him in public. Kurt wasn't lying when he said he didn't care. The love he had for Sebastian died the instant he saw him kiss the other guy back.

Sebastian knew how much Blaine had hurt him when he cheated so the idea of not being good enough was already there. What Blaine did was so much worse than what Sebastian did and a part of him was mad that Kurt still allowed Blaine to be in his life (for awhile anyways once Blaine moved to California they lost contact completely) yet he was willing to cut Sebastian completely out of his life. But Sebastian knew why. Their love was stronger than it had ever been with Blaine. And even though it was just a kiss the betrayal cut deeper because he was there to witness it firsthand. He had lost the greatest love of his life forever.

After a few months Sebastian gave up trying to contact Kurt and avoided all the places they use to frequent. It hurt too much to see Kurt ignore him, see the hurt in Kurt's eyes knowing he's the one who put it there. Staying in the apartment they shared was hard enough, he didn't want to add to his misery, but sometimes he couldn't help it.

About a year and a half after Sebastian decided to avoid him he caved and went to Central Park on a Sunday. There was nothing more that Kurt loved than going to the most famous park in the world on a Sunday morning. They used to go there with a magazines and the paper and just spend hours taking in the atmosphere. They would watch the various locals and tourist walk by making up their own stories about who they were. After they broke up Sebastian knew Kurt kept his tradition.

Kurt did not disappoint. Sebastian was only there for 20 minutes when he spotted Kurt from behind his paper. He sighed happily he looked better than ever. His stomach fluttered when he saw him walking alone. For one brief moment he thought about saying something, it'd been almost 2 years maybe now Kurt would at least talk to him.

"Wait up!" he heard someone call out in an English accent, his heart dropped when he saw Kurt pause to turn around smiling. He watched as the tall, and Sebastian hated to admit, very good lucking guy jogged to catch up with Kurt. The guy wasn't alone either; jogging next to him was a beautiful chocolate lab. Sebastian couldn't help but smile, Kurt always talked about getting a dog but he was allergic. Anytime they walked past a yellow or black labrador Kurt would tease him "lucky for you it's not a chocolate lab, otherwise both you and that guy would be alone tonight."

It hurt more than anything to see Kurt looking so happy with another guy, Adam, he later learned. But at the end of the day he was happy for Kurt. He really was. The last time he really saw Kurt there was nothing but hurt and anger. Now all he saw was joy, even from afar he knew Kurt loved Adam, judging by the dog maybe more than he ever loved him, Sebastian laughed sadly.

* * *

That was the last time Sebastian sought him out. Kurt had moved on and it was time for Sebastian to do the same. After graduation Sebastian decided that the best thing to do was leave the city, and the apartment he once shared with Kurt. He got a job in Rome, in international law. He thought about going back to Paris but that was something he planned to do with Kurt and he couldn't bring himself to go there alone.

Sebastian looked at the scarf lying on the table. That night changed him in more ways than one. He quit drinking, convinced that doing so would bring Kurt back. He got a job in an attempt to prove to Kurt he could be responsible. He changed for the better thinking that one day he would meet Kurt again and prove to him that he was a better person worthy of forgiveness. He never got that chance.

The next day Sebastian got up extra early there was one last thing he had to do before leaving the city. When Sebastian got out of the cab at JFK he looked in the direction of Central Park, hoping his gift didn't bring any sadness as it wasn't his intention. "Goodbye Kurt" Sebastian whispered "I will always love you."

Kurt and Adam walked through the park with their dog, Fiyero, towards their favorite bench. As they got closer they noticed a pile of things on it.

"Oh no" Kurt pouted "I hope someone isn't sitting there."

Adam looked around "Its 7am on a Sunday Kurt, there is never anyone around" he laughed.

When they got to the bench Kurt moved to place the stuff on the ground, pausing when he saw what the "stuff" was. His breathing hitched as he picked up the long forgotten scarf. Under it a stack of his favorite magazines and a note. "Goodbye Kurt."

He looked around, but like Adam had pointed out there was no one. "Goodbye Sebastian" he said softly wrapping the scarf around his neck.

Adam looked at him curiously "Everything ok?"

Kurt smiled "Everything's great."


End file.
